Never fear, I’m here to help with advice that could potentially change your personal life forever.
(rejection, restraining orders and prison time count as life changing right?)
Are you single, floating like a lone snowflake looking for your own special snowflake mate?
Here are a few easy steps to get that Facebook relationship status changed.
Are you a single special snowflake slowly searching for a soulmate?
Cologne is a good idea all the time but it is even more important on the slopes.
On the chair with a facemask and goggles your scent is often your most recognizable trait.
Most skiers already know that sagging their pants is a vital part of style.
When looking to meet ladies though, sag becomes especially important.
Since skiing shirtless is generally frowned upon, your next best alternative is some strategic sag.
My brother describes this as “Sun’s out buns out.”
Examples: “Yeah, I was just speed checking that jump for Tanner.”
“Oh yeah, Tom just wanted some pointers on his afterbang.”
“I spent christmas teaching Adam how to butter.”
“Bode just texted me the other day, he needs some help with his turns.”
“Sorry I don’t have my GoPro, I lent it to Sander.”
“Yeah, Glen just called me up to scope some lines for him.”
Casually let it slip how rad you are.
Talk about comps: “Hopefully they have a bigger jump at Frostgun this year.”
Or mention how you’re free to hook them up with “sweet pro deals.”
Chicks dig pro deals.
If all else fails and she seems to be losing interest go huck something stupid.
When in doubt just stare into the mountains and quote John Muir, it makes you seem deeper.
I mean seriously, what better time to introduce your significant other to the sport you love.
You love skiing, you maybe love them, what could go wrong?
Don’t worry about deodorant or showers or washing your clothes, that stuff is all for posers.
Just don’t be offended if they do the same to you.
Don’t settle for roses or chocolates or any of that sappy junk.
You’re a skier, it’s possible for you to do better than that.
Holding doors might be chivalrous but what’s even better is bringing them their poles when they yardsale.
Don’t have the budget for filet mignon and candlelight?
Throw some jerky in that Cup Noodles and enjoy it under the flickering cargo light of your Subaru.
Roses are nice but hand warmers are even better.
Just remember it’s the thought that counts.
Hopefully these pointers help you navigate this flirty excuse for a holiday.
